Blimey Phil you must be psychic, funny you should mention this but, and i am being honest here, it just so happens that today, my fly zip busted on my camouflaged shorts!! Also, now here's the one that gets me, the missus has only gone and trapped the inside bit of fabric of her coat zipper in said zip!! If it wasn't for my quick thinking and super-human almost ninja like speed, helped by my busted zippered camouflaged shorts that allowed for quick strides and a bonus bit of air-flow around the old nether regions, gawd knows what could have happened!!

Luckily a quick, sharp downward tug and she could breath freely again, and the day was saved.
The missus is now curled up with her hot water bottle, on the couch, carrying on as if nothing happened.
Unfortunately, my poor camouflage shorts zipper has, i'm afraid to say, bought it

but its ok

you see i, being a resourcefull kind of bloke, and using my finely honed lack of any dress sense or moral scruples whatsoever, have put on my long johns, thus, my lack of any zipper is not causing the missus any sickness or desire to hit me, which is always a good thing!, yet also allows me to still wear my favourite camouflaged shorts
As for an answer to your question, i am sorry mate, this is a question that has eluded me all of my life
