You're right Haldi, it does seem to be a bit of a puzzle. It's particularly interesting that you have been allowed to 'flash-up' your own curry in a curry-house kitchen, and got results as good as they produce, which I don't doubt for a moment.
That also knocks the 'cooking smells' notion on its head also. I'm partial to the odd 'Full English' cooked breakfast, but they not good if I've cooked it myself! Presumably that's because: a) I'm a crap cook; or b) becasue I don't enjoy it so much, having had my palate temporarily spoiled by the cooking smells during the cooking.
It's very difficult to account for this, Having read lots of your posts I would be very supprised if your ingredients were not up to scratch, so that leaves technique. Are you sure you're not just being hard on yourself, do you really think your results are not as good as the one you cooked under supervision??
From what you have said I infer that you have seen big flames that did not seem hot. I have noticed that also in kitchen footage on the TV. A blue bunsen-burner type flame would be very hot as it is fully oxygenated, I seem to remeber also on a bunsen, it is possible to close a valve that admits air into the burner, giving a incandescent orange/red sooty flame that is a lot less hot. Perhaps these large professional flame are not fully oxygenated, then they would be cooler. Did the flames at your demos seem less blue (i.e. more orangey at the tips) than at home?
If garlic/ginger paste you saw was able to fry for some time without burning it does seem as though the flame must, if anything, be cooler! A chef tipping the pan to ignit some of the hot contents does not necessarily mean the heatis very high. I sometimes ccok a curry in a small wok (karahi sized), over a normal ring, but when the contents is really hot I sometimes scare the wife by deliberately letting it flare-up! The result does not seem to taste any better though, for me at least!
One thing I would like is a few more demos!!